Morality: fantasy can help you escape your dreary, everyday life at the office; it can also cause a great deal of havoc. But it’s something you can also act on, provided the conditions are met to allow it to flourish outside the context of power relationships. So what if you invited your colleague to step out the usual framework, and let yourself be surprised by reality?

Fantasy also allows us to project ourselves into an imaginary reality where we could experience something else, and even dream of being someone different. In the fantasy of flirting or sexual intercourse with the colleague also conceals the desire to play out a new and unexpected scenario, the curiosity to play a new part in the social game of seduction. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”, says the melancholic Jaques in the introduction to Shakespeare’s play As You Like It (1599). Basically, we don’t dream of this or that colleague, but rather, of being someone else. Be prepared for the discussion to get intimate and frank – if you want to talk about the possibility of engaging in group sex, be aware that your partner may be hurt by this, and you will need to provide reassurance. For Terry, feeling embarrassed is part of the fun – despite being at the larger end of the line-up. He explains, ‘it’s still embarrassing getting measured, and being naked with other people – especially when it’s only the men who are naked. I like the embarrassment of being exposed, and the comments I get from being viewed. I enjoy it and get turned on.’ The party was the first time Terry had used a dildo. He says, ‘it was cleaned each time, and a new condom was put on it, but I was very nervous. When it was my turn, I really didn’t want it and I wasn’t sure what to do, but I walked over and one of the ladies helped me get on the chair. My arse was lubed up, then I slowly lowered my bum over the dildo.’ He adds: ‘It was hard to relax, and it hurt, but there was no damage, so I didn’t regret it.’ The sexual fantasy about the colleague – a figure of intermediate proximity, both known and unknown – feels like breaking free from the company, which in some aspects is like a “total institution”. The American sociologist Ervin Goffman describes the latter as “a place of residence and work where a large number of like-situated individuals, cut off from the wider society for an appreciable period of time, together lead an enclosed, formally administered round of life” ( Asylums, 1961).

6. Authority figures

But it’s no coincidence that this fantasy of playing another role tends to burst onto the highly codified scene of our office life. In a company, we make up a collective of humans dedicated to a mission. We’re on a stage where women and men are supposed to perform coordinated tasks, in constant communication, and cooperate with each other. Hence the desire to improvise a bold step aside. A source of joy, this power energises us, it makes us feel alive and therefore poses no threat. What fantasy most often reveals, far from questioning our marital or family situation, is a confirmation of its materiality: it’s because we have a fantasy life that we are capable of living daily with someone. So there’s no need to give too much weight to your inclinations in the office! Sex researchers have wondered the same thing. Several research studies have focused on what women fantasize about. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled “What Exactly Is an Unusual Fantasy?”, wanted to determine which sexual fantasies are common among women. The researchers asked women living in Quebec to answer the Wilson’s Sex Fantasy Questionnaire. 799 women completed the questionnaire, of which the majority were heterosexual. The fifteen most common fantasies as reported by these women are listed below.

This is something you have to be patient and understanding about, because sex means different things to everyone, and the conversation shouldn’t be forced. However, this unique place that is the office can also hold some pleasant surprises, since 16% of all couples are formed there. So how can we arbitrate this choice? Could your colleague turn out to be the love of your life? The men were required to stay erect at all times without touching their genitals. Punishment for losing their erections included ice-cubes being melted on their bodies and being spanked. Recalling his punishments, Terry says, ‘I was face-sat for ten minutes.’ As a single woman, Annabelle has ‘played’ with the men at these events, ‘as in I’ve got them erect and kept them erect, but not given a hand-job to completion. I like watching them complete.’ When Annabelle is in a relationship, she’ll take her partner to the event, and the only ‘playing’ will be with her partner – who will be off-limits to other women at the event.

9. Group sex

Annabelle, who organises CFNM events, echoes Terry when she says, ‘only once did we do some dominatrix style attire. Usually we don’t wear anything in particular – just normal clothes – nothing that excites the men too much.’ The men then masturbated in a competition to see who could ejaculate the furthest. The distances were measured, and marked by a little box. ‘That became the distance to beat for the next ones up,’ says Terry. Activities include massages and ‘competitions such as a wank-off’. ‘The guys wank themselves and the last one to cum wins,’ says Annabelle. ‘Sometimes we give them a cookie – it’s kind of a joke prize – but really it’s for the honour of knowing he lasted longer.’ Obviously, it’s difficult to assess the sincerity of our own desire. Immanuel Kant would probably advise you to ask yourself this question: is the other a means for me, or an end? A test would be to imagine the other naked, stripped of their position in the company, of their place in the hierarchy, their uniform or blouse, and see if the desire remains intact. Imagine your colleague in their simplest form: you’ll see if they’re as attractive as they are when they’re talking in a meeting! Reactions have varied. ‘Some guys were perplexed and couldn’t understand it, but gave it a go and didn’t like it. Others have been intrigued and embraced it.’

No wonder that desire can arise in such an anchored context, in this enclosed place, subject to such a repetitive rhythm. To get out of it, we can be tempted to bring about “poetry, beauty, romance, love, [...] what we stay alive for”, to quote John Keating, the literature professor played by Robin Williams in The Circle of Poets disappeared (1989). Stars: Sharon Kane , Eric Edwards , Robert Kerman , Honey Wilder , Bobby Astyr , Karen Jeffries , Don Edmonds , Chelsea Blake While we need to be mindful of our partners boundaries and respect their right to say no, there’s no harm in broaching the subject with a sexual partner. Finally, the survey looked at the most sexually adventurous areas in the UK and found that Cardiff is the most sexually open city, with 85% of people trying at least one sexual fantasy, closely followed by Birmingham with 83% and Liverpool with 78%. Sir’ now, is it?” He asked, moving next to me, standing above me looking down with that look on his face.

2. Taking control

Initially, Annabelle was unaware that there was a name for her new interest. ‘I just wanted more naked men in my life! Then a friend said, “this is CFNM!” I looked into it, and started watching porn on it and getting into groups and meet-ups around it.’ For Annabelle, it’s a must that all her boyfriends are into CFNM. ‘It’s one of the top requirements,’ she says. Annabelle raises the topic fairly early on: ‘I wouldn’t blurt it out right at the outset, but I’d cover it at the sex chat stage, if I thought the relationship was going somewhere. I’d ask if they had any fetishes or interests – most respond with something – then I’d mention CFNM.” According to Annabelle, her events tend to start with a striptease from the men. ‘A performance is a must – if they just take their clothes off, what’s the point?’ She says. ‘Forfeits for the worst will be determined by us ladies. It could be a spanking or we might make them melt an ice cube in their bum – it’s entertaining to see them squirm.’ Annabelle doubts that she could sustain a relationship with a guy who wasn’t into CFNM, explaining: ‘There’s nothing better than being clothed in front of a hot naked man, commanding and dictating his every action.’