The Sex Lives of African Women: Self-Discovery, Freedom, and Healing

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Rendi, a man in his 30’s who identifies as gay, said he felt more “confident” about using condoms, which he believed led to him having stronger connections in his sexual relationships.

Beyond drinking establishments, some men described meeting sex partners online and through social media.

Several participants referred to themselves as the woman in the context of sexual partnerships, which they equated with being bottoms or the receptive sexual partner. Some of the women are activists within queer and trans communities Heterosexual, bi, gay, undefined- These pages ran right through the Kinsey scale! This collection affirms what we've known all along: African women are reclaiming their bodies and taking ownership of their sexual destinies. Participants expressed enjoyment with doing activities with their partners, like cooking and traveling.

After Rendi disclosed his sexual orientation to his doctor, he described how the doctor responded by saying: “ We need to pray for you, and I will refer you to this other pastor in town. Two or three bottles down, Mahmood would demand that you join them, instructing Kofi to come get you from your bedroom. Still, you can imagine how it must look from the doorway when you hear Auntie, ‘How long does it take –? They are strange to you, strange to the landscape, the dark, with the same polished skill-set of rich women worldwide: how to smile with full lips while the eyes remain empty; how to hate with indifference; how to love without heat.

It is a heart-wrenching voice, cutting straight through the din of the chatter, forced laughter, clinked glasses, the crickets. Ntsumi, a gay identifying man in his early 30’s, told us about his friends “ [leaving] the friendship circle” after Ntsumi came out to them: “ Some supported me where others chose to discriminate. A fear of social isolation was prominently expressed during interviews, and this was a factor in participants’ decision-making process for sexual orientation disclosure.

When participants were asked to describe specific concerns in their lives, many men responded not only being concerned about HIV and STI’s, but also about violence and discrimination due to multiple overlapping identities. It’s an odd mix of features: pointy chin, jutting cheekbones, tiny nose, initiation scars, village emblems. This stunning collection provides crucial insight into our quest for sexual power and offers all women inspirational examples to live a truly liberated life.

The young ones sit mutely, sipping foam off their Maltas, waiting to be asked to dance by the men in full suits, shoving cake into their mouths when they’re sure no one’s looking (it rained around four; no one sees for the dark). A more tacit way that stigma against same-sex sexuality impacted men’s lives was through their perceived expectations about gender roles and social norms. You’ve been tripping and falling around the garden all evening, with night-damp earth sucking at the heels of the shoes, the excess folds of the buba sort of draped around your body, making you look like a black Statue of Liberty. When discussing their relationships with younger SMM, some men described perceived differences, and mostly described meeting them and observing them in bars and clubs, but not in the context of having relationships or friendships.