The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire (20th Anniversary Edition)

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We can talk to women and improve our ability to communicate and listen, instead of continuing to theorize and mastermind about what kind of man they want. Holy shit, listening to women — actually listening to them without responding — that would be some radical men’s work. We put people in a box, because boxes are easier to understand than complex humans. We also put ourselves in a box, because it gives us a way to feel good about ourselves, to feel like a “real man” or an “evolved man” because now there’s a set of lofty standards we can compare ourselves to. When you stop distracting yourself are and you silence the world of matter and monkey-mind chatter, something interesting occurs. You start to hear the little voice some refer to as your conscience. When in silence, the ideal question to ask yourself is “What is my deepest purpose?” You will get an answer if you listen closely enough. Often times the answer will be unclear and ambiguous, that’s Ok. It will, however, give you the next step. Sometimes it will be loud and clear. It depends. That’s the beauty, that’s the mystery. Time for another generalization: there are “hot” and “cool” women. If you need a stereotype, dark-skinned, brunette, red-headed, Korean, and Polynesian women are hot, and blonde, light-skinned, Japanese, and Chinese women are cool. It is irritating to have a hot woman when you need someone to cool you, and vice versa. Understand the temperature of feminine energy and choose wisely. Part Four: What Women Really Want

You’ve now explored your masculine core. In this section, you’ll explore the feminine mindset, learn to understand the meaning behind your woman’s words and complaints, and discover how to share your masculine gifts with her. Treat Woman and World as You Wish Them to Be It’s about challenging the assumptions about what it means to be a man — not so we can come up with new boxes and declare that “the truth”, but so we can be free to find our unique expression and know that it works for us, and may not work for others. If you don’t have control over your ejaculation, then you cannot meet your woman’s needs. You must learn to convert the ejaculation “into non-ejaculatory whole body, brain, and heart orgasms.” Whatever that is. Is sex with your woman a gradual climb to an ejaculation followed by a loss of desire for her and a depleted mind/body? Have you integrated your dark side into your personality? Is your aggression something you’re in touch with? Do you know how to turn on your killer instinct if need be? Are you trained in hand-to-hand combat? Are you strong and willing to neutralize threats to yourself or loved ones?It seems like every day, I see another guy in his twenties enthusiastically get handed “The Way of the Superior Man”, and I can’t help but wince. I’ve been there, and I remember the sense of relief I felt to finally have answers to questions I wrestled with for so long. You have a unique gift to share, and you can’t fulfill your greatest potential if you never try. In this section, we’ll explore the masculine core, and you’ll learn how to embrace and embody your true, masculine self, so you can channel your energy into giving your greatest gift, today. Engage Wholeheartedly With Woman and World Even old men like younger women, and young men rarely like older women. Why? Because “youth in a woman bespeaks radiant, unobstructed, and refreshing feminine energy.” Your priority at all times should be to be who you are at your deepest level; you’ll only have the energy to love fully if you’re not wasting it by struggling with dissatisfaction. This book,” writes Deida at the beginning of The Way of the Superior Man, “is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.”

The more familiar you become with your woman and your world, the more your desire and interest in them wane; the excitement of discovery fades, and they become lifeless and unattractive. On the surface, we could argue that he’s doing this for the sake of simplicity, but over-simplification is the problem. We need more complexity, not less. If you are not free, you’ll never be able to find your life purpose, face your fears and lead a relationship. And without this, you’ll never be the man you can be and you’ll never give your woman the chance to see the best version of you. As you move through your day, facing fear, sadness, uncertainty, and stress, the front of your body tightens. When you think hard, your forehead wrinkles; when you feel threatened, your solar plexus gets queasy; when you’re nervous, your stomach becomes tight. As this continues from day to day, you begin to curl into yourself—you hunch forward, grit your teeth, and your breathing shallows. Your thoughts become centered on yourself, your energy becomes constricted, and your presence shrinks into your body. It was 2011, and I was at the first of two 3-day intensives with David Deida, the author of “The Way of the Superior Man”, the best-selling book with an almost cult-like following (minus the “almost”).

Don’t stay in your comfort zone. Freedom is all about pushing your limits. Lean just beyond your edge and do this constantly. In everything you do.